Do you know the difference between gaslighting and genuine advice?
Have you ever received advice from someone and wondered whether it was sincere or if there was an ulterior motive? Such moments can be confusing and challenging. Especially, distinguishing between gaslighting and genuine advice can be even more difficult. Today, we’ll guide you on how to tell the difference between the two. This will help you maintain healthier relationships.
Gaslighting vs Genuine Advice: The Difference in Intent
The main characteristic of gaslighting is that the advisor’s intent serves their own interests. They manipulate others to create a situation that benefits themselves. On the other hand, genuine advice is meant to help the other person grow. For example, if a colleague at work says, “You don’t need to work too hard, just take it easy,” you need to consider whether they are saying this out of concern for you or to undermine your performance.
At this point, consider what the advisor gains if you follow their advice. If they benefit, there’s a high chance it’s gaslighting.
Gaslighting That Destroys Self-Esteem
A person who gives genuine advice will not try to control you if you don’t follow their advice. However, gaslighters are different. They aim to destroy your self-esteem to gain control. A person with low self-esteem becomes easily dependent on others, which is exactly what the gaslighter wants.
For instance, if a friend says, “You’re too emotional; no one will like you if you keep acting this way,” it could be an attempt to undermine your self-esteem. At this moment, it’s crucial to reflect on yourself and consider whether what your friend is saying is truly for your benefit or if they’re trying to create a favorable situation for themselves.
Is There a Path for Improvement in the Feedback?
Genuine advice offers suggestions for improvement to help the other person grow. They provide objective feedback while understanding and empathizing with your situation. In contrast, gaslighters aim to keep you in a negative state.
If your boss says at work, “You’ll never succeed with your approach, just do it my way,” should you take it at face value? Or should you reconsider if their words are truly meant to help you grow?
Gaslighting That Induces Guilt
Genuine advice is based on love and respect, with the advisor prioritizing a positive relationship with you. In contrast, gaslighters seek to control others by instilling guilt. When you feel guilty, you’re more likely to comply with their demands, leading to a situation where you become their prey.
For example, if someone says, “Everything went wrong because of you, if you had helped me properly, this wouldn’t have happened,” it’s a classic case of gaslighting that induces guilt.
Truth-Tellers vs Information Controllers
A person who gives genuine advice provides all the information you need to make the right decision. But gaslighters control and distort information. They might twist your memories or withhold important information to make their words sound right.
In such situations, it’s important to review the information you’ve received and assess whether it has been distorted. Be careful not to make wrong decisions due to gaslighting.
Conclusion
Knowing how to distinguish between gaslighting and genuine advice is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting yourself. We hope that the methods shared today will help you cultivate healthier and more positive relationships. If someone came to mind while reading this, perhaps it’s time to reconsider your relationship with them.