Boundaries: The First Step in Protecting Yourself
Many people experience fatigue and exhaustion due to their relationships. Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” offers insights into the causes of these issues and their solutions. To summarize, most problems stem from the lack of personal boundaries.
A boundary literally means a ‘limit’ or ‘border.’ It signifies the line that must be respected in relationships between yourself and others. Setting clear boundaries leads to healthier, more defined relationships and helps protect yourself.
Common Traits of Those Exhausted by Relationships
People who are drained by relationships tend to share several common traits. Let’s explore a few examples.
- Overwhelmed by the amount of tasks they need to handle.
- Avoids calls or meetings, fearing someone might ask for a favor.
- Complains about helping others without receiving any reward.
- Often fantasizes about quitting everything and leaving.
- Feels like there is no time for themselves.
Individuals exhibiting these traits often lack clear boundaries, making it easy for them to be swayed by others’ demands, often neglecting their own needs.
Why Relationships Can Be Difficult
Why do we get exhausted by relationships? The reasons are varied.
1. Not Prioritizing Yourself
If you find time for family and friends but none for personal reflection or hobbies, it’s a sign you’re not valuing yourself enough. Self-love must be your starting point. When you value yourself, others will too.
2. Avoiding Accountability
Even when others are clearly at fault, many let things slide for the sake of peace. If a project fails at work, it’s crucial to identify and address the root causes. Only then will accountability be clear, and the same mistakes won’t be repeated.
3. Apologizing While Setting Boundaries
Phrases like “I’m sorry, but I need you to keep time commitments” may create misunderstandings while setting boundaries. Clear and confident communication is essential. For example:
This isn’t the first time. From now on, if you’re late, I’ll assume you’re not coming and I’ll leave.
4. Using an Unconfident Tone
Phrases like “I just wanted to say…” create hesitation and make it harder to maintain boundaries. Practice speaking with confidence.
This is my workplace. When you drop by unannounced, it puts me in a difficult position. No matter how urgent, please come only when I say it’s okay.
5. Never Expressing Boundaries Verbally
If you keep thoughts like “I think you should take responsibility for what you said” to yourself, it can lead to misunderstandings. It’s important to express your boundaries verbally.
I believe you should take responsibility for what you said last time.
6. Assuming One Conversation About Boundaries Is Enough
Setting boundaries isn’t a one-time conversation. You need to remind others every time they cross them.
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this before—please stick to the agreed times.
Benefits of Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries can lead to the following positive changes:
- A safeguard against taking on more than you can handle.
- Practicing self-care.
- Defining roles within relationships.
- Distinguishing between acceptable and unacceptable behavior within relationships.
- Clarifying expectations within relationships.
- Communicating your needs clearly to others.
- Fostering healthier relationships.
- Creating clearer boundaries in relationships.
- Providing a sense of security within relationships.
Imagine how much your life could change by setting boundaries. Start now!
Conclusion: Start Now!
If you feel overwhelmed by relationships, start setting boundaries today. It might feel difficult and awkward at first, but it’s a necessary step for healthier relationships. Protect yourself and improve your life by starting now!
Reference: Nedra Glover Tawwab, “Set Boundaries, Find Peace”